That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize