How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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