Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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