I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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