Please, let me fuck your mom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
