By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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