Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
