so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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