You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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