Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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