What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
