To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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