can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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