We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish you could order shots online.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Pants are for mortals
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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