Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am naked and annoyed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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