it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
