is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
