Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
