checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
