If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
