my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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