this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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