i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
