I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
