as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals