even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee