i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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