i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf