pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.