I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize