if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
