Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
