What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
