I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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