i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
