You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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