she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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