I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
