tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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