His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
