I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
