is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
