just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
