3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
