brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
