ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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