I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
