There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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