How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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