im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
