My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
