i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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