just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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