Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
