I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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