There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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