Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
