I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize