You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck appropriateness.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
