Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
