barbara walters just said penis...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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