lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
