i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
