can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
