Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
