your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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