Please, let me fuck your mom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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