i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
