he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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