OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
