I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Say something about gay babies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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