apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
