"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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