So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
