Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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