Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
