Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
