you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
