I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
