OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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